i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
