Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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