Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
