I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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