You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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