Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
