what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
