on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
