Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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