they need to just BURY HIM!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
