You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
