I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
