I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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