Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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