I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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