The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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