He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Houston, we have a blender
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize