My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Randomize
