I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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