need another drink. this is the easiest way
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
