RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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