And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
