Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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