Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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