when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
