i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
