We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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