Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
