she takes plan B like it's going out of style
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
