so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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