So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
