I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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