Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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