eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
