wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
