I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
