how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
