Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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