apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
