At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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