Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
