i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
