I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
