If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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