I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
