Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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