I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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