i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
