I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
