I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
