Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
