my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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