Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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