I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
