oh god the rape fog is back!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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