I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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