I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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