gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
