remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
