I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
