we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
