How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
