I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
