I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
