he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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