Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
