dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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